Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
