you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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