Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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