I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
