So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
