pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
