matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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