I swear she didn't look like that last week.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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