Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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