some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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