You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
