so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
