How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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