i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
