Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
