Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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