eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
