Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
