I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
