haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
