She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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