I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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