If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
