I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
nutella sex= disaster
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
