so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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