I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
