I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
