Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
