this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
