Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
