The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I cockslap morals
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
