Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just high enough for therapy.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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