I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is the high leading the old right now
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
