Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
