i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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