$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
