tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
