hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
