Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
