Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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