So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
