Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
