we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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