he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
