I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
