Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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