At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
