i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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