dude i'm inner monologue high
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
