How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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