my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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