How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This is classic penis vs brain.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
