strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
